Tuesday, March 25, 2014

At a low point

It's been so long since I wrote. I am in the midst of severe regression, lying still seems to be the biggest part of my life. ME is so draining and often I long to go home to Jesus, to be restored and in His presence. Even after all this time, I still struggle with how people see me. I have found that people even have expectations of how you "should" be when you are severely ill and there is no cure. Some accept it with love and concern, and accept completely what I can and cannot do. Then there are those who are still puzzled by the stringent limitations and want to accept but are not sure exactly what is going on (but don't trouble to learn about it). Then I have found there are some who want me to exhibit what they view are the traits of how a sick Christian person "should" behave - don't complain, model sincere belief in Christ and be a model for the rest of us. (think Mother Theresa)

ignorant thought- You lost your friends? Perhaps it was you own fault.
truth - I have found out who my true friends are. It is not my fault. The others disappeared and God opened my eyes.

ignorant thought - If you would just move and exercise a bit, you would feel better.
truth - If I exercise, I will get worse and could possibly strain my heart too much and die.

ignorant thought - You should not grieve or have sorrow while severely ill. Be a saint.
truth - You have had no experience with severe illness or have had the grace to learn. You are truly not my friend.

Even as I wrote this, I am conscious of how people will view it, so I try to choose my words carefully.

The Lord knows I want my life back. The Lord loves and councils me, holding me in His everlasting arms and gives me peace. I can cry out to Him. I can tell Him I feel so low. I know some people will view this as self pity, but isn't that an easy way to shrug off any need to learn about this devastating illness.

I sincerely pray that it never happens to you, or someone you love.

Postscript- I know a lot of why I'm low is because of how ME makes me feel, which I can't do anything about. It drains everything, not much I can do about it. And yes, I have had those things actually said to me, and much more, but I don't need to put everything down. Please be kind to those you know are truly struggling!


  1. I am sorry to hear you are at a low point, Rebecca, and that you feel misunderstood. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to be sick for so long and to be alienated from others because you do not have the strength to leave the house. We are thankful for you, John and Tabitha and how you have persevered in hardship. -Elizabeth Blount

  2. "Walk a day in my shoes!" I think we should all keep that in mind before we utter any words of 'helpful advise' - no one know YOUR life but you. Hope you get some sunshine in your life & your life & health gets brighter. I cannot begin to imagine how you feel - your faith will keep you strong.

  3. love you, sweet mom! I great admire and respect you.

  4. Love you, dear friend. I ditto you, Tabitha!


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